


To have everlasting sorrows and open seams, but also you.

by Valgus



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A lot of feels basically., Angst, Drama, Fluff, IDK what else to tag this as., M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-12 19:43:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5678302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valgus/pseuds/Valgus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinata thought that Kageyama was fearless, that he knew exactly where his place was in the world and where he wanted to go.</p><p>Hinata never thought he was so wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To have everlasting sorrows and open seams, but also you.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is taken from [Kenshi Yonezu's "Eine Kleine"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaAj5fVgeeM).

Hinata opened his eyes to an unfamiliar ceiling. He wriggled in the darkness and his elbow bumped into something warm and slightly hard.

He looked down on sleeping Kageyama next to him. The raven-haired setter was on his side and curling like a large, overgrown cat, if cat were wearing any black T-shirt.

_Except that cat wouldn’t have such fine arm muscle…_

Hinata leaned down to take better view of Kageyama in the darkness.

Kageyama at night didn’t smell so much like fresh deodorant, sweat, volleyball surface, and polished wood floor at the gym. He smelled more like, well, his house and his bedroom in particular, though Hinata could still pinpoint the slight smell of what presumably Kageyama’s sweat or just his overall smell as a person.

He also had this permanent scowl on his face that didn’t seem to disappear even when he was asleep.

Hinata froze and pondered.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, leaning over sleeping Kageyama, and listening to the sound of breathing Kageyama made as he slept.

Hinata felt like crying for some reason; he really, really, _really_ loved this stupid ass setter of a person and Hinata would give the world to make Kageyama made happier, more relaxed sleeping expression.

But he was unable to do that. So that left Hinata with being there for Kageyama as much as possible.

The shorter male sighed and gazed at Kageyama once more. He then leaned down to kiss the top of Kageyama’s head before slipping back under his portion of blanket and squeezed his eyes shut.

 _Happiness is,_ Hinata thought, _sleeping beside the person you love and take in their smell, breathing voice, and heat._

*)*

Just a couple of hours ago, Hinata sat still, watching Kageyama scooping rice from rice cooker to a bowl.

“Would this much do, Hinata?” asked Kageyama, moving the rice bowl he held under Hinata’s nose.

“Yes! That is enough. Thank you, Kageyama,” Hinata took the rice bowl from Kageyama’s hand with both of his hands.

“Sure,” Kageyama said as he closed the rice cooker’s lid. He walked around the dining table and sat across Hinata.

 _“Itadakimasu!”_ Hinata and Kageyama said in unison, before digging into their dinner.

Hinata moved the rice bowl into his mouth and started gulping it with chopsticks, but his eyes were on Kageyama.

They were in Kageyama’s house, in its kitchen to be exact. Kageyama’s parents weren’t around, so dinner would just be the two of them. Hinata lowered his rice bowl and moved his chopstick to the grilled mackerel.

“Hey Kageyama?”

“Nn?” responded Kageyama, mouth full with miso soup. He swallowed and scowled, his eyebrows furrowed. “What?”

“You don’t eat dinner with someone else too often, do you?” Hinata grinned.

Kageyama stared at Hinata, blinked, and then nodded, “My parents are never around much.” He sipped the soup by placing it on his lips before continued, “Well, it’s not like I’m around a lot either. As long as I remember, I’m always home late for practice and training.”

Hinata nodded in silence, picking a pinch of mackerel but not putting it inside his mouth.

Kageyama pouted, “It’s weird if you’re so quiet, Dumbass.”

Hinata raised his face to see Kageyama. “Eh?”

Kageyama sighed and placed his soup bowl, “But it’s not like you’ll be all jumpy and volleyball 24/7 your whole life, right? You have your quiet time too.”

Hinata said nothing except for an almost audible confirming noise.

After they finished their dinner, Hinata said he’d help Kageyama with the clean-up. Kageyama looked down to Hinata from his height and blinked a several time before saying, “Okay. Thanks.”

It was quiet night with Kageyama, one which Hinata didn’t talk much himself.

*)*

Hinata didn’t know how long he had been in love with Kageyama, but he knew the exact moment he realized he had been in love with the former King of the Court all along.

It was when Kageyama threw him a smile after he hit his tosses.

Hinata didn’t know that he could bring Kageyama’s smile home and kept it in a jar inside his head for a very long time.

And every time he repeated Kageyama’s happy, possibly proud smile in his head, Hinata felt like jumping and screaming ‘Bwaaah!’ from the rooftop to the world.

*)*

Then, there was the voice. Even when Hinata was apart from Kageyama, he could feel like Kageyama was still talking to him. He could hear Kageyama talking inside his head. It wasn’t exactly unpleasant. Kageyama knew what to talk about when it comes to volleyball and training.

In the beginning, it was rather annoying to hear Kageyama shouted at him to make better running pose as Hinata jogged, but Kageyama knew what he was on about. In just a week, Hinata realized he didn’t only run further, but faster.

Then it spread into things other than training and volleyball. Hinata looked down on curry dinner to hear Kageyama groaned, (“So what if I like curry? It’s great cuisine.”) and to his homework, to Kageyama’s cold remark on his terrible grade (“Athlete doesn’t really need to be ace of the class of something.”). Hinata wanted to laugh so much from the memory of Kageyama saying ‘ace’ to call the student with best academic grade.

Hinata started to sleep to Kageyama’s voice inside his head and even that was never enough.

He always looked forward hopefully, almost desperately, to meet the owner of the voice inside his head tomorrow.

*)*

After knowing the ex-Kitagawa Daichi setter, Hinata realized that Kageyama really was just a volleyball freak everyone knew he was. Hinata was the same species, being the only difference that Hinata had tons of people in his life. Not to mention, it was very easy for Hinata to make new friend.

Unlike a certain setter.

Hinata had heard the story about what happened to Kageyama’s last year in junior high. He had elaborated it with Sugawara, who said that Kageyama was working extra hard to be accepted by everyone. Hinata looked at Sugawara’s smile when the third year setter said that.

Sugawara’s smile didn’t reach his kind eyes.

*)*

Hinata might not be the most sensitive person in the universe, but when he recalled it, he never felt alone or betrayed.

Even when his friends refused to play volleyball or toss to him back in junior high, they did that not because they disliked him, but simply because they had something else to do.

Even through the hard times of playing volley in junior high, Hinata could always go home to his parents’ and little sister’s smile. His father would ask him about how his day was and whether Hinata was a step closer on being great volleyball player like the Small Giant. His mother would smile as she set down warm, tasty dinner for them to enjoy together. Natsu would hug his legs, chirping about what ‘guwaaah’ things she saw today, and told Hinata how much she looked forward to tell him all that.

But perhaps when Kageyama went home after his defeat and betrayal, he returned to an empty home to eat dinner alone in an empty dining table.

And Hinata wasn’t sure why his eyes were watery at such thought.

*)*

“Hey, Hinata, do you like me?”

Kageyama’s question made Hinata turned his head around. He was sitting, leaning against the bed where Kageyama lied down, on another Saturday evening in Kageyama’s bedroom. They finished their dinner just less than an hour ago. Hinata was reading a volleyball magazine and Kageyama presumably did the same thing.

At this point of their relationship, Hinata was perfectly comfortable of sharing a bed with Kageyama to sleep. Kageyama himself would occasionally show Hinata his lunchbox and offer Hinata karaage or ebi fry, which he would pick with chopsticks to put inside Hinata’s mouth. Some girls in Hinata’s class, the ones who talk to him just because Hinata was close to the tall-and-cool Kageyama, said that Hinata and Kageyama’s relationship was just like lovers.

With zero experience of romance, considering almost all of his thought was focused in Small Giant and volleyball, Hinata immediately thought that he was indeed in love with Kageyama. He didn’t think their relationship would need any sort of label.

But perhaps Kageyama was different.

After all, he even needed to ask whether Hinata liked him.

Hinata exhaled and pouted, “Of course I like you, Stupid Kageyama. I love you, even.”

Kageyama’s face froze.

Hinata stayed silent, waited.

“I try very hard to be liked,” Kageyama said, shuffling down from the bed to sit beside Hinata. The fact that Kageyama had longer and bigger torso than him made Hinata wanted to hug him for some reason. Hinata looked up slightly to see Kageyama’s face. The setter wasn’t looking at him. “No one liked me back in junior high. It didn’t feel very good. And when in that last match, when I toss but no one was around to take it…”

Hinata held his breath.

“I didn’t realize that I was completely alone until that point,” the dark-haired setter chuckled. “You know, like, one of those moments who shaped you into who you are now?”

Hinata nodded, remembering the event when he saw the Small Giant on television that very morning.

“Well, that is one of mine. I know I was wrong, so why can’t I just move on from seeing it in my head? I try so, so hard to stop being ‘king’, to be accepted by other members of volleyball club, to…” Kageyama stopped and shrugged. He sighed, long and low.

Hinata wanted to say so many things at once he couldn’t say anything.

“Hey, Hinata. Do you think you could like me? Do you think I’m worthy?”

Kageyama voice was cracking.

Hinata wanted to weep.

After layers of permanent scowling face, harsh comments, and amazing sense as a setter, Hinata finally got to meet the person Kageyama had hidden inside him; the setter who just wanted to be better, the king of the court who was abandoned by his people.

Though he didn’t exactly experienced romance himself, he could tell that confessing love to one’s crush could be nerve-wracking and one might feel like dying.

But what Kageyama did was more than confessing—this was more of baring his true self, naked in front of Hinata and Hinata somehow knew that this was hardest than anything Kageyama Tobio ever did.

“Stupid Kageyama,” said Hinata after a while.

The scowl returned to Kageyama’s face, though his sad, deep blue eyes were watery. “What the hell, Dumbass?”

“I fucking like you, you absolute airhead! So did Tanaka-san!”

Kageyama’s eyes widened. “What?”

“So did Daichi-san and Sugawara-san and Tsukishima and Yamaguchi and Kiyoko-san and Nishinoya-san and Asahi-san and Yachi-san and—fucking everyone!”

“What?” repeated Kageyama like a broken record player.

“You might not see it,” said Hinata, his lips trembling. His voice was trembling too. “But everyone really, really like you. Our team is so fucking lucky to have you as a setter, but even without that, you’re still our fucking precious friend and they’d—they’d do anything for you! I’d do anything for you! You are not just liked, Stupid Kageyama! You are very much loved! So realize that now—“

Kageyama just stared at Hinata, eyes wide and eyebrows raised.

“—Realize that… please…” Hinata suddenly sobbed.

It suddenly occurred to him that while they stood on different side of the court that time in their junior high year, Hinata was surrounded with friends who supported him. Kageyama, on the other side, was plunging down into his demise, the terrible moment on his life that would eventually change him as a person.

Hinata might cried because he was lost and he wasn’t strong, but behind Kageyama’s strength and the fact that he could still stand on the court, Kageyama was very much lonely and scared.

And he would be even more lonely and scared.

“Dumbass,” grunted Kageyama.

Hinata returned to Kageyama’s bedroom where he was right now. He didn’t know when he started to stand, but he didn’t really care, because he had more concerning problem now; he couldn’t stop crying.

“Dumbass Hinata,” Kageyama grunted again, but his palm found its way to Hinata’s hair. He patted Hinata gently before cupping Hinata’s teary wet cheeks. “You’re so dumb. Why are you crying when I’m supposed to be the one sad here?”

Hinata hiccupped and sobbed, “It’s because you don’t cry! So I cry for you, so—“

Hinata couldn’t see clearly because his vision was blurred with tears, but between the sound of himself sniffing and crying, he heard Kageyama made a, “Kh…” sound.

Then warm droplets of water fell into his nose and chest.

Kageyama was holding Hinata so tightly that Hinata was sure some of his joints were now dislocated. But he didn’t care. Not when he held a shuddering, trembling Kageyama, whose cheek was on top of Hinata’s head.

“Dumbass,” said Kageyama, in a clearly crying voice.

Hinata made a muffled laughter sound, though he cried even more. He cried so much his face was hurt, then his head was hurt. “Stupid Kageyama.” He pulled back a little and tiptoed, bringing Kageyama’s face down with his hands as he did.

Then Hinata kissed Kageyama’s forehead.

“I’ll kiss your head a million time to prove that you’re loved and worth it!”

“Maybe don’t,” said Kageyama, pulling back with cheeks too red from just crying.

“Ehhh?”

“We have to practice and stuff.”

“Ah, you’re right,” Hinata chuckled.

His face felt sticky and his head was throbbing from crying, but when he looked up to Kageyama’s red, teary eyes, he never felt more relieved in his life.

Lonely. So lonely. Kageyama had been so, so lonely. It was so cold. Hinata stared at Kageyama, at those lonely dark blue eyes, and his vision was blurred, as his cheeks grew wet again.

“Ah, you’re hopeless, you dumbass,” Kageyama sighed, his tone was endearing. He spread his arms and dragged Hinata into his chest, where Hinata sobbed to his heart’s content and Kageyama rubbed a circle on Hinata’s back. His palm was big and Hinata had never felt so safe when he was crying.

It was an extraordinary experience to have yourself cry against each other, clutching against each other like their lives were depend on them.

Sometime after Hinata’s crying reduced to hiccups, Kageyama took a deep breath and squeezed Hinata in his arms.

“Hey, Hinata.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m only saying this once, so you better listen good.”

Hinata nodded slowly, “Okay.”

“I’m so very very glad to meet you,” Kageyama said, slow and collected. “Meeting you is the best thing that ever happened to me, so thank you for meeting me and come to my life.”

Hinata made a choked, muffled noise from his throat and he felt like crying again.

But apparently one could cry so much that one couldn’t cry anymore.

Hinata buried his face on Kageyama’s chest and listened to the sound of Kageyama’s heartbeat. “… Okay.”

“Good,” Kageyama patted his back again.

“I’m also—I also… you, meeting me too,” Hinata said, unsure if he could ever say such meaningful thing to Kageyama.

Kageyama chuckled. Hinata could feel his entire body shook from the chuckled. “Okay,” Kageyama said.

They both pulled back at the same time. Kageyama was looking down at Hinata and Hinata was looking up at Kageyama. Sometime, somehow, their lips met.

It wasn’t the best kind of kiss, Hinata supposed, though he never had any of it before. Their nose bumped and Kageyama tasted a lot like miso and mackerel they had for dinner. His tongue was warm and wet and way softer than Hinata imagined, because Hinata somehow thought that the inside of Kageyama’s mouth would have the texture of his calloused palms.

Hinata tiptoed with all his might and Kageyama helped him by hugging Hinata’s hips and lifted Hinata a little.

Kageyama was warm and holding him and everything felt too amazing.

Hinata said “I love you”, forgetting that his mouth was on Kageyama’s, so he ended up mumbling incoherent sentence into Kageyama’s mouth.

Kageyama mumbled into Hinata’s mouth return.

Fortunately, they pulled back before they both ran out of air.

“I think we can use some practice on how to breath while kissing,” said Kageyama after, his lips were slightly swollen and Hinata wanted to kiss them again so much.

But he almost fainted from not breathing, so Hinata just nodded, “I agree.”

*)*

Hinata woke up in the middle of the night to Kageyama sleeping next to him. He kissed Kageyama’s forehead, promised to himself how he would always protect this stupid volleyball freak of a setter, then he returned to sleep, clinging his arms to Kageyama’s back as he did.

*)*

Monday morning came really quick. Kageyama woke up first and ended up waking Hinata up by pecking Hinata’s cheek to hard.

They showered, had breakfast with Hinata’s favorite meal of egg on top of rice, before jogging to opened gym by the school.

Tanaka, Sugawara, and Daichi were inside when Kageyama and Hinata opened the gym’s door.

“Good morning!” said Sugawara, who jogged to them to leave Daichi receiving Tanaka’s toss.

“Good morning!” replied Hinata and Kageyama in unison.

Sugawara looked at Hinata’s, then Kageyama’s face before smiling. “Say, is there any good thing happened on the weekend? Hinata, you’re staying over at Kageyama’s house for the weekend, right?”

Hinata nodded. His face felt really hot and uncomfortable and he didn’t really want to look at Sugawara’s face when he recalled how does it feels and taste to kiss Kageyama.

Kageyama was the one who answered straight and loud, like a soldier, “Yes!”

Sugawara chuckled, “Well, that’s amazing to hear. Now do a warm-up! We can play three on three after Ennoshita comes. He said he was on his way.”

“Ossu!” Hinata and Kageyama shouted.

Hinata made sure he paid his warm-up a full concentration, but he still ended up glancing at Kageyama who was warming up next to him.

Kageyama was glancing at him too and he smiled a smile Hinata had never seen before.

It was a smile that spelled promises of more tosses, more kisses, and perhaps, one day in the distant future, of them conquering the world together.

**Author's Note:**

> I kind of wish I could write it better, but I really want to share this.
> 
> I'm sorry if this wasn't very nice. I didn't have this beta-d either.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I'd be very happy if you enjoyed this even just a little.


End file.
